Perfectionism, A Way To Hide From Criticism…

I saw a Tik Tok, via Instagram, archaic, with a woman telling another that perfectionism is a way to hide from criticism. It really struck me and has stayed with me for weeks after.

I’m a perfectionist when it comes to work. I work hard to make no mistakes, I’ll do overtime for free to ensure all my work is done and if something does go wrong I’ll have a way to correct it but will beat myself up for weeks after. It’s funny how hard we can be on ourselves, if a friend made a mistake at work I’d tell them to learn from it and move on and ‘let it go it’s just work’. If I make a mistake I am ridiculously hard on myself. Am I trying to be a perfectionist to escape my own self criticism?

I was a perfectionist at school and I think deep down I’m still a bit of a child and a bit scared of being ‘told off’. I would be in awe of my fellow students standing up to the teachers and defending themselves. They may have been in the wrong and it wasn’t necessarily the right thing to do but they had the courage to back themselves. I’m working towards being more like that, back myself instead of criticise, take the pressure of myself and allow myself to breathe a little freer. Besides, if you don’t make mistakes how on earth are you going to learn?

Perfectionism is a shield but it is also an unreliable one. Can one ever truly reach perfectionism and if you do how hard will it be to hold onto?

I’m going to end on a quote from a book I’m reading Regrets of the Dying by Georgina Scull. Georgina is interviewing a Chaplin about patients end of life regrets and her own thoughts on them. The Chaplin, Jane, speaks about the need for flexibility in life ‘If you have a perfectionist attitude then you’re very much likely to have a lot of regrets.’ She then goes on to speak about adaptability and flexibility when things go wrong

I know I don’t want to die with a list of regrets and I definitely do not want perfectionism to be the cause of them. As Jane says, ‘when things go wrong […] accept that that is also life, then you’re much less likely to see them as regrets.’*

It’s time we enjoy the mistakes, the innocent little slip ups and learn from them!

*quotes from Regrets of the Dying by Georgina Scull, page 259